Sledging Policy

Sledging, or mental disintegration as Tugga likes to call it, is an important part of the game of cricket. Some would claim it is not part of The Spirit of Cricket; in fact the MCC Laws of Cricket expressly forbid "to seek to distract an opponent verbally or by harassment with persistent clapping or unnecessary noise under the guise of enthusiasm and motivation of one's own side."

No wonder the Poms are bottom-feeders on the stage of world cricket. Sledging is like masturbation - no-one says they do it but really everyone's at it. Like drinking beer, cricketers are innately programmed to sledge - if we didn't then all of those long hours standing in the field would literally cause our brains to seize and we'd all end up in that nursing home for cricketers: the commentary box.

The Pigs follow the Sledging Commandments and those who disobey will be asked to leave the field of play by the Pigs captain:

• Thou shalt always respect thy opponents - what happens on the field stays on the field;

• Thou shalt only sledge if one can back words with action;

• Thou shalt not exceed the sledging standard set by thine opponents;

• Thou shalt not address any sledge personally to the batsman, umpire, spectators, passers-by, or most importantly thy fellow Pigs;

• Thou shalt sledge with rhetoric, wit and irony - if thou dost not comprehend these terms then refrain from sledging or play for the South Africans;

• Thou shalt not direct the phrase, "Hit him in the v@#ina" at the batsman, ever.